Take Two!

First off let me say that I bow down to Natalie! She’s the BOMB. 🙂 With her excellent, excellent help, I shaved 68 words off of the query. And that is no small feat with a one page document. That’s 20%! (. . .right? I’m awful at math.)At any rate, it’s fantastic. So, now, I present to you the svelte new version of my query:

Sorry . . . it’s gone. But, don’t fret. Look on Evil Editor any day now. 🙂



  1. Natalie on September 5, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Yay! Getting closer. You should really submit to EE too. It’s so helpful. Really, I’m serious. Worth every random comment for the pearls.

  2. Kiersten on September 5, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    It is super helpful on EE.

    Okay my dear, my turn. I’m going to go at it tonight after the kids are in bed–don’t think I’ve forgotten you and dear Jane.

  3. Renee Collins on September 6, 2008 at 1:30 am

    I think I will post on EE. What the hey. I don’t take myself too seriously. 🙂

    However, I will wait for your take, Kiersten, which I am sure will be fantastic. 🙂

    You two are just the best.

  4. Kiersten on September 6, 2008 at 4:41 am

    Okay–sorry, I’m the lamest person ever, but apparently this headache thing didn’t want to leave me alone, and came back in full force tonight.

    SO–I’m going to outsmart it and go over your query tomorrow MORNING. Take that, migraines!

  5. Renee Collins on September 6, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Kiersten, don’t even worry about it. I’m in no hurry at all.

    Sorry about the migranes. *yeesh* My sister gets them and they seems really bad to deal with. Try to feel better. And really, really don’t worry about the query until you feel better.

  6. devonellington on September 6, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    I’d want to read the book from that letter!

    Suggestion: “quite a bit” and “some of” sounds a little passive to me. I suggest saying something along the lines of “According to my research, you represent books such as X and Y, which are in the same category as MISS MIDAS”.

    Best of luck with the query — the book sounds great.

  7. Renee Collins on September 6, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    devonellington, thank you so much! That’s nice of you to say. 🙂

    I think you are right on about the “quite a bit” and “some of.” I definitely like the way you phrased it better. Thanks! And thanks for stopping by. Come back anytime. 🙂

  8. Terri Tiffany on September 6, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    IS the fun part the revisions or the proposal?? It’s nice to read about someone else who is going through it. I need to dive into how to do the proposal etc. next but gaining. I don’t know about your plans, but I want to submit first myself and then possibly find an agent.

  9. Renee Collins on September 6, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    Terri, I have pretty much decided to try and get an agent. We just sold our home, and there were several times when we thanked our lucky stars that we had an agent, someone who knew the ins and outs of the buisness on our side. I imagine that it is the same with publishing. An agent seems like a pretty nice thing to have.

    However, it would be great to be completely in charge of where you submit your book and how agressively it is submitted. Having no agent might be better than getting one that shoves you to the bottom of the pile.

    Oh, and I think, so far, that revising is more fun. 🙂

  10. Natalie on September 7, 2008 at 3:30 am

    If you don’t think you need an agent, read this. Believe me, you need an agent before you submit to publishers.


    Moonrat is a real life editor in New York and she knows her stuff.

  11. Joanne on September 8, 2008 at 1:10 am

    68 words makes a difference, reads better this way. When will you start querying? Best of luck, keep us posted!

  12. Renee Collins on September 8, 2008 at 1:48 am

    Thanks Joanne. I owe it to my friend Natalie for taking off the 68 words. 🙂

    My tentative goal is to send the first query by October first. I am finishing up the last edits, and then I’ll read it through once more. Should be fun.

  13. Terri Tiffany on September 8, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Have you sent it yet???

  14. Renee Collins on September 8, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Terri, you mean my query letter?

    No . . . I’m still trying doing some final edits, and actually I had a eureka moment last night (see upcoming post) that will require a few extra days of revision. So, I’m shooting for October 1st to be the day I send out my first queries.

    Also, I plan to send the query to Evil Editor very soon, if that was what you mean. I’m still stalling, because I’m chicken. 🙂

  15. Natalie on September 8, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    No need to be chicken. It’s so helpful you’ll be glad you did it after it’s all over.

  16. Terri Tiffany on September 8, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    No– I am submitting fiction but the agency asks for a ton of stuff like I listed in the one entry. It could be the agency I picked that requires so much. None separate items plus the first three chapters!

  17. Renee Collins on September 8, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Yeah . . . that’s a lot more than many agencies ask. Most usually just want a query, possibly a synopsis as well. Hmmm . . .

    Have you gone on AgentQuery.com? Or looked through Writer’s Market? You might find some agencies that aren’t so demanding up front.

  18. Renee Collins on September 8, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Also, Natalie, I will submit to EE, I am just waiting to see what Kiersten thinks before I send it.

    Where has she been, btw?

    Kiersten, we miss you.

    And Laptop, if this is your evil doing we are through.

  19. Kiersten on September 8, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    No, not laptop–Kiersten’s evil head and the nightly headaches of DOOOOOOOOM.

    But naptime today–I’m yours.

  20. Natalie on September 8, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    Yeah poor Kiersten and her head. It’s rebelling.

    And I want to hear about this epiphany!

  21. Renee Collins on September 8, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Aw man, Kiersten that’s rough. Don’t push yourself on account of me. I have no problem waiting, I just missed your radiant wit. 🙂

    Natalie, watch for a post on my thoughts. Probably tonight (after I finish my Green Eyes review.)